There is only one person in this world that I have told my darkest secrets to..
Tonight I can’t stop thinking about it, not the sharing but the secret itself. Its driving me insane… I wanna break down and cry… I’m freaking out. My heart is pounding so fast. Recently a girl in my neighborhood took her life recently and its been playing over and over in my head, for three different reasons. The first because its been making me think way to much about suicide and how if my secret ever surfaced.. I’m not sure what I’d do or what it would do to others. Freaking out so bad that I’m thinking about signing myself back into a mental hospital… I’ve been so good lately but now… my depression is getting super bad, in fact the past couple of days have just been awful. I’ve been depressed, angry, and just plain lost or even alone. My brain has just been jumbled.. even escaping me. Just gone… I thought going to hang out and stay at my sons would help but the numbness only lasts so long… I’m honestly afraid, I’m just so scared right now… I wish I was home in my bed. I just want to “cry on the back of a Jeep right now.”